that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
