Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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