tell your sister to shave her snatch
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
