I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
