from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
