oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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