i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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