Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
