I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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