I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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