hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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