Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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