Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
