I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
