We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
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