Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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