I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
