i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
