Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He has the fingertips of a God
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