now i know why i became what i already was.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
