I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
