And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to align my fucking chakras
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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