He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
