i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
