and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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