im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
