I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
