The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I need a beard to bite.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
