Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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