Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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