Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
