I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
