I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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