you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's