Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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