i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
