I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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