he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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