He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
