Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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