I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
