one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
