Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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