The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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