Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
