I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
