Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
