Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
