I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
