i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
