sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
