4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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