One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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