Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
zippers are such a cool invention
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
