Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
