there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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