where am i from again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
