you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
