Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
