apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
